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  • Networking perspective based on experience and observation by relationship builder, Jason Jacobsohn

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February 16, 2011

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Akiko

No, Michael, women are atrttcaed to men the way men are atrttcaed women. If it wasn't for that, more women would be living sexless, childless lives. The difference is just in what that means. For men, it is a lot more directly linked to wanting to have sex with them than it is for women. That is why the women with the "nice guy" friend is using him every bit as much as the man with the sex-buddy girlfriend is using her. It may seem like she isn't because they are "just friends" and she isn't using him for sex which as "we all know" is a cardinal sin. But, in fact, she is using him every bit as much -- probably even more. It's just passive aggressive -- lawyerly taking advantage of social norms to maintain social propriety. And, that is all that has gone here in the comments -- a lot of people recognizing how socially acceptable it all is and screeching about it.But, in fact, because of the asymmetry in social acceptance of these typical male and female behaviors, the men are at an advantage in that it is very difficult for them to take advantage of a decent woman while it is quite easy for women to do so to a nice guy. And so, that is why the nice guy in Craig's List usually is a nice guy or at least a fairly normal guy, while the recovering anorexic of Mortimer's date is usually a crazy, neurotic, bad girl whom if he treated any different would royally abuse him.And, I will also say one other thing, I am not a nice guy, myself. I have never really dated women using such tactics. (In fact, I have even chewed at least one girl out for trying to "nice guy" me and, generally, will not accept even being the boyfriend in the scenario in Craig's List who tolerates her having a "nice guy" on the side.) I do think it is a low percentage play, and I do think that a man is ill-advised to be a "nice guy". That's why I completely agree with the Craig's List article. And so, that is also why "when a woman is atrttcaed to you, it's obvious--if you're not blinded by self-consciousness. Never try to get a woman interested in you--instead, just notice which ones are."may be great advice for women, but that is precisely the advice that leads to men becoming the "nice guy". At any rate, it isn't good dating advice at all for men, in my opinion. Men have to chase women, even -- perhaps especially -- in this modern world of liberated women. If you don't actively pursue women, you really won't get a date and women will be coy, ambiguous, and so on to prolong the chase, and they will even turn you down and do a lot of silly things even if they do really like you and/or you are their most eligible suitor. Most people never mature beyond high school and that's exactly how they act. So, what you really have to do is be able to be sufficiently up front and possibly even a little socially hen pecked about your desire to have sex with a particular woman and doggedly pursue it in a non-threatening way even if she gives out a lot of mixed signals. If she really acts right all along the way for long enough, then it will quite naturally grow into a meaningful relationship in most cases. Of course, it takes a lot more, even, to maintain that relationship, but that gets you started. If you want a really superlative relationship with someone, then it takes near perfection in how you treat each other. As I say, there is no negotiating that. It has to be. And, that is why the nice guy in Craig's List is not only not some kind of a loser asshole spurning good women, but actually showing a lot of character, relatively speaking, for recognizing what it really takes to have a great relationship. Unfortunately, he does not recognize that it must absolutely be reciprocated and that no matter how willing he is to "not let that bother him", it will nevertheless undermine any future relationship he has with that girl. (So, he is not perfect, by any means, but he is a lot closer to it than anyone else in the scenario, including the spurned "nice girl" add-on to the article from these comments.)

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