"The Trap of Networking" by Guest Blogger Robert Henru

Robert Henru of Reason4Smile was kind enough to provide this guest post.

Are you aware that there is a trap in networking?

I believe Jason has introduced me in the beginning of the article; my blog is a personal development blog that shares a lot from the struggle of an introvert. I am an introvert by preference and I used to be very nervous and hesitant to network and get to know new people. Now, I am relatively improved and changed. I am much more comfortable in networking and getting to know new people, but I hate to tell you that I might have fallen into the trap of networking.

It is the trap that I am going to share with you...

I was struck with the statement below from Stephen M.R. Covey in his book The Speed of Trust.

"Never take existing relationships for granted-particularly relationships with loved ones, family and friends. Avoid the common tendency to put more energy into new relationships and assume that people in existing relationship know you care. There is probably a greater need for demonstrations of concern in existing relationship that in new relationships." ~Stephen M.R. Covey

If you are reading this blog, I believe that you must be very interested in networking. I do agree that networking is important, but networking does not only involve getting to know new people. On that point alone, your networking only focuses on the activity. The real networking is the one that focuses on the result, that you build a strong relationship with the person that you get to know. It is not the matter of how many people you know, but how many people with whom you have built synergy and win-win partnership.

It's also true that it's not always possible to build such a close relationship with everyone. But sadly, many of us run for new relationships while the existing relationships are not taken care of properly.

These are the three questions that will help you in considering your action toward the existing relationships:

1. Have you learned enough from the people that you know?

I believe there are at least two reasons why we don't learn enough from the people we know. The first one is superiority, and the second one is inferiority.

Superiority blinds us from the strength that the other person has. What you need is teachable attitude. It is the humility, the belief that everyone we know has something to teach us. Inferiority, on the other hand, blinds us from the strength and the potential we have. It makes us insecure and jealous. It disables us from celebrating the success of the people we have known. Instead of learning from their success, inferiority will tell us to turn away from the relationship, or worse, to sabotage their successes.

None of them are good for networking. Real networking requires you not to feel both superior and inferior. It requires you to be secure with whatever you have right now. Not ashamed of yourself, but also not arrogant about what you know and what you have achieved.

2. Have you brought the best out of the people you know?

"Believing the best in people usually brings the best out of people." ~John C. Maxwell

The quote is the summary of the Number 10 principle that John Maxwell shared in his book, Winning with People.

Instead of giving up on the existing relationship, we should consider how we can bring out the potential within the other person. The first reaction that people often have is blaming others for not doing something well. Building a relationship takes effort, and blaming others is just an easy shortcut to quit from the relationship.

Jim Collins has articulated a metaphor of the window and the mirror. When things go well, look at the window, look who is outside there who has done a great job, give recognition and credit to them. On the other hand, when things do not go well, look at the mirror. Examine yourself, what you have not done well enough. Reflect on the mistakes and the actions that you could have done to bring the best from others.

As described in the quote from John Maxwell above, what most people need to bring out their best is the trust environment. That usually comes within our responsibility, and it usually relates to the action that we can take. Each of us has the potential to create the trust environment in our existing relationship. These are some questions to ponder:

• Have you given people the benefit of the doubt?
• Have you given enough time to communicate with people?
• Have you given people enough recognition?
• Have you given enough credit for things they have done?
• Have you given constructive feedback to improve their performance?

3. Have you work out the disagreement that you have?

"If two men on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless. If they disagree all the time, then both are useless." ~Darryl F. Zanuck

Often, disagreement becomes the main reason why people let go of the existing relationship. Reiterating from the first part of the quote above, "If two men on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless." That simply infers that disagreement is actually a good sign. There is a potential on disagreement. It could be your blind spot that you do not know, it could be a different perspective, a different set of knowledge, opinion and so on. It is important to see disagreement as an opportunity to learn instead of to win.

John Maxwell shared a principle in the book Winning with People that will help us work out our disagreement. It is the 101 Percent principle and it says, "Find the 1 percent we agree on and give it 100 percent of our effort." It is true that doing this principle really require a great effort. Not every relationship deserves this huge effort to work on the disagreement. But, do not go too far on the other extreme as well, giving up relationship when there are great potential within, if only we are willing to work out on the disagreement.

Here are the 4 questions that John Maxwell shared to help you decide whether you need to work out the disagreement:

- Is the person worth the commitment?
- Is the situation worth the commitment?
- Is the issue worth the commitment?
- Is the return worth the commitment?

Networking and getting to know new people is not your final result. Your final result is getting your job done, achieving your goal, your purpose and success in life. Do networking with the result in mind, and not the activity.

Concluding Thought

This article is written not to despise networking or building new relationships. We all need networking to expand our circle of friends and associates. But equally important, you need to consider about the existing relationships that you have. "Have you maximized the existing relationships that you've got?" That's the question that you need to remember always.

To read articles from other guest bloggers, visit my Guest Bloggers Archive.

Comments

[Raymond Chua]

Hi Robert,

You seem to have read a lot of books.

I love all the insights that you have shared in this article.

It really benefits me.

I'm looking forward for more sharing from you. :)

[Jason Jacobsohn]

Glad that you liked his article. Will continue to post other articles from guest bloggers.

[Robert A. Henru]

Hi Raymond, thanks for your comments.
And Jason, thanks for the opportunity to write here.

Robert